by Jody Walls
BLOCKED. Writers block, and I’ve had it bad. Pretty much this whole year. I can’t even explain it, I love to write. I love to talk. I love to get into all my feelings and I had so many ideas, so many topics swirling around but just never actually sat down and wrote them out. My writing ducks are usually in a straight row, but this year…I think they were drunk. They did not want to cooperate. Actually, they resembled very much the year 2020. When I look back I start to wonder, why didn’t I actually sit down and write and just when I start to do that my youngest comes flying into the room to ask me if I like to frog hop and if he can have macaroni and cheese for breakfast…after I straightened those questions and concerns out, I tried to go back to thinking again why I didn’t have time to sit down and write out all my thoughts and just then my daughter asks me to make her a sandwich and could I please order slime activator on Amazon for her….so, after the kitchen closes and the order has been placed, I go back once again to try to figure out why I didn’t….wait a minute – what was I trying to remember? I get it now. I recognize what’s happened. I let the year scatter my brain. I let the lack of organization and planning scramble it. It was my fault. I was usually baking brownies or having a glass of wine instead. I am a planner to the core. I love to know what’s on the agenda for days to come. I love to travel, to try new things, to throw parties, to celebrate all the things! And 2020, you tried to change me. You brought out the cancelled, the postponed. You brought out the drive by birthdays, graduation celebrations and baby showers, the dreaded virtual learning. You broke up marriages, disconnected friends, reintroduced separation anxiety in children that had already overcome it. You took loved ones. You 2020, tried to break us. But in the end, you failed. Despite all of the above, you also magnified what was truly important. I saw siblings learn to spend a lot of time together (and I mean, a lot!) I saw pets loved on all day, family walks and picnic’s outside, I saw new togetherness, new business ideas, new passions. Even though I let the scramble of being “all the things” (in the same couple rooms for a long couple months) take over for a little bit, now looking back I see that it simultaneously brought to the surface, clarity. Clarity for what is truly important. For what truly matters. Recently we sat down as a family and watched the new Disney movie – Soul. Very cute movie. It was a great message and it was one that resonated with me back through the last year. Your soul is your spirit. The unmeasurable inner being that makes you, you. You can find within it, your life’s purpose. No matter what your circumstances are, no matter what a certain year, month or day throws at you, we cannot let those things ultimately define our life or change our purpose if we don’t want it to. We have to keep shining. We have to nurture our soul, our inner being. Find a way to be the you that gets you up in the morning, the you that makes you want to embrace the things you love. I don’t generally make new year’s resolutions in the traditional sense but I do like to travel through the “rooms of my life” and identify what is going well and what can be improved. I’m giving myself a mental pass for my lack of writing in 2020. I’m giving myself Grace for that and all the things I felt like I fell short on. And, you should too. We survived. We did what we needed to get through and here we are. Now its time to use that chapter as a lesson and turn the page.
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